When I was little, I might have thought about what my wedding would be like. When I was a teen, I started to think about what marriage meant to me. These days, when I watch "Say Yes to the Dress" (and I watch that show a lot), I take note of how amazing some of those dresses are, but I never think about being in the same position as those girls.
I'm pretty sure I've covered this ground before, but I feel the need to say it again. I have nothing against marriage for other people. I will drop everything and be there to help my friends with any and all aspects of their weddings (dress shopping is still dress shopping, and I'm not bad at it). I'm genuinely happy for them and wish them all the best. I know a lot of couples who have been successfully married for years.
For the past few weeks, I've been watching a coworker friend's marriage suddenly and quite rapidly disintegrate in front of his eyes. Seemingly out of nowhere, his wife announced that she was unhappy with the marriage and wanted to move out. Now, I absolutely do NOT have the full picture or story, and I am obviously biased because I'm hearing my coworker friend, who I've known for the past 7 years, talk about his wife, who I met once during that entire time. He's one of the nicest people I know, and I can't even imagine what the problem could be. Of course, the dynamics of a relationship aren't always seen by the general public. There was a moment when it seemed like a reconciliation was possible, but then things took a turn for the worse and he admitted today that it's pretty much over. And now the messy paperwork part begins. They also have a young son, who's already starting to become affected by this.
My coworker has the dubious distinction of being my first friend to experience the process of divorce. Over the years I've seen my parents' friends and older relatives divorce, but it was different to me. It was like being a step removed. At the same time, not a single one of my friends comes from a broken home. I've had friends who endured big breakups, but that's not quite the same either. Shoot, I've endured breakups. But that's not what turned me off of marriage.
My biggest beef about marriage is the legal bit. Obtaining "permission", essentially. And paying for a license. I understand the necessity of having a license to drive or otherwise operate large machinery. You need to prove that you know what you're doing. I understand having a license for a dog or cat. But the marriage license thing bothers me. I get that religion plays a really big part in it too. So are you getting married because you want to, or because you're being told it's socially acceptable to? Or is it something that we're taught that you're supposed to do when you grow up?
Don't even get me started on equal rights.
I spent part of the afternoon googling "Are humans meant to be monogamous?" There are a lot of scientific opinions about it, and of course no consensus. Comparisons between humans and other animals were made. Evolution also has a huge part in it. There are statistical differences between how men and women view monogamy, both socially and biologically. I think the gist of it is that most animals are polygamous because it's a way of ensuring the propagation of the species. Humans are only different from most primates because of our capacity to associate love with another person. Don't get me wrong, I'm not advocating promiscuity. If I've learned one thing about myself, it's that I can't be like that. I think I'm just always going to be a little different than most people.
My coworker friend was really down today. I told him that I know two things to be true: things happen for a reason, and it always works out in the end. I don't know how, but it always does.
"Upon the hill across the blue lake, that's where I had my first heartbreak"
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