Ten

*Blink*

It boggles the mind sometimes.  Ten years ago today, I started writing.  I've had some interesting thoughts.  I've had some interesting things happen to me and around me.  332 times.

I thought I could retrospectively look at my writings and actually see the change in myself.  Like a time capsule.  Or a montage.  As I read them over again, a couple of things struck me.  First of all, other than a few really vague references and dead links, I was able to relive all of the events that I wrote about.  How it felt as I finished my last exam, or got my first job, or made fun of myself (and others), or lost money (that seemed to happen a lot).  The second thing, and I mentioned this a couple of posts ago, is that through all the years of writing, I could still hear me speaking.  I mean, I felt like I was the same the whole time.  The more things change, the more they stay the same, as they say.

Am I disappointed that I haven't changed?  Even after all the experiences I've had, all the lessons I've learned, and all the mistakes I've made?  I guess it depends on the nature of the change.  I've found that it's really hard to determine if you should be true to yourself and stay as you are, or if you should change to become a better person.  But what is "better"?  And better for who?

Maybe I HAVE changed, and it's just hard for me to see it because I've become whatever I've changed into.  Maybe this is it, and I'm never going to be anything different.  Maybe I still really don't know who I am, or what I want to be, and I need another ten years to figure it out.

The one thing I do know...is that over the years, I've definitely heard some really great music.

"Once said, words make a world of their own"